OLD BLOG ENTRIES
110103
I guess I'm kind of keeping a photoblog now - sad and trendy (yeah,
like 6 months ago maybe) though that is... Click photos below and then
click on the cell phone.
102503
New photo gallery up in the photo section below - all pics from my new
cell phone. Some in there of me skateboarding and lots of assorted
crap. I plan on updating it quite regularly since I've always got my
phone with me and find myself snapping shots often.
Start work again on Monday. Decided to put Shiny
on the back burners for a while. Partly for financial reasons, partly
because I was beginning to go a bit stir crazy working from home. I'll
say no more than that I'm going to be starting work for a very large
hospital in Chicago and that I'm really, really fucking excited about
the position. Radness.
101103
Made some minor modifications to my phone theme this morning. In case you're not lucky enough to own one of the splendid phones that supports the theme - here are some pictures of what it looks like: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
I haven't seen Kill Bill yet but this is how I see it in my head.
101003
OK, I pulled my thumb out ("Of what?" you may ask...) and put a nav item in the photos section (below) for the new pictures. Not for the camera phone section yet. Still got to decide how that one's going to work.
As an aside, I've started skateboarding again. Bought this deck a few weeks ago and have been going up to the local skate park every morning. We (Brandon and I) try to get there by 9:00A and then be gone by 11:00A. All of the local, young skate rats start showing up around then and we're intimidated by how much better they are than us.
No serious injuries yet (though I did catch the deck in my snotlocker the other day and it bled a lot) and I'm having an awesome time with it all. Maybe I'll start taking pictures up there and have a section of those?
100903
So, there are some new pictures up (that have been up for about a month now) in the photo section but you can't see them because I haven't put a nav link in yet. To make up for that, I'll tell you about my new phone and give you a present.
My new phone is the Sony Ericsson T616 and I love it. It has a color screen and a camera and it is my new best friend. I'm thinking about putting up a section somewhere just to put the pictures up in, since they'll be going up sporadically. Maybe I'll replace the webcam section with it.
Anyway, if you also have a Sony Ericsson T616 or even a Sony Ericsson T610, then here's a theme I made! It looks a bit like this site and should make your phone a happier place to be. I know I like it. Try it out and let me know what you think.
092403
I just switched hosts! There's some other stuff too but I won't go into it. I wouldn't want to bore you...
072803
There are new photos up in the photo section - had a wild weekend of cycling and camping. Excellent times. I also got a 100lb punching bag and stand off a chum, set it up on the porch. Very cathartic way to get exercise.
On another note, a couple of weeks ago a few friends and I made some commericals for Winterfresh and it looks like one of them will be airing nationally starting next week!!! They picked this one - this is the other one. Shoot me an email if you see either of them on TV.
071803
OK, so I've decided I'd like to write more... so I thought it would be a good idea to do some silly writing exercises before I jump back in - you know, just to get the juices flowing a bit and to train my hand to not get writer's cramp every five minutes (I do *real* writing pen to paper, weird, right?). Anyway, here's Writing Exercise #1, if you read it and have any kind of comment on it whatsoever, feel free to let me know about it.
*Warning* story is short, in PDF format, and quite gory.
071703
Here's a tiny picture of me standing with little Marmite. 
Here's one of me riding my bike. 
070603
Holy FUCK! It has been what, like 4 months since I updated this site? I'm an awful parent. I feel like I'm letting my toddler out of the closet under the stairs after a week. I meant it as a punishment of some sort to begin with, then I just forget about them and the TV was too loud so it drowned out the scratching and mewling.
What have I been up to? Not a lot, how about yourself?
I say not a lot but here are two pretty significant things that prove that to be untrue:
I decided to quit my job and start a company! It is going pretty well but not well enough to make me a millionaire. Thinking about doing it nights and weekends whilst working at a *real* job again. Altering my five year plan accordingly.
Keri and I are getting married! I tricked her into it with drugs. Got her all doped up and took her to a Mexican restaurant - I had hidden the ring in the salsa section of the salsa/chip sombrero that the salsa/chip midget wears. It was SO romantic.
Keri built the site...
030203
Went to an excellent party at a friend's place last night and had a weird intersection of my interwebben life and my real life - someone that had read this site in the past, that I had an abbreviated email rapport with, was at the party and recognized me.
Claudine, it was very nice to meet you; sorry if I seemed weird - I was pretty drunk and the whole thing blew my mind a little.
It also led me to analyze things a bit, which in turn led to the rather startling realization that I have a more fully developed social life online than I do offline. Which isn't to say that my *real life* is somehow lacking or malnourished, just that I spend a great deal of time in front of a computer. And that a lot of that time is spent on IM, emails, community sites, and general contact with the world at large. I don't think I'm alone in this phenomena - am I?
I like it.
I've lived online since late '94 when I discovered IRC - and haven't looked back since. All of my jobs have been internet-related and most of my *real life* friends were either met through online things, or have some kind of connection to interwebben geekery.
And before you write me off as some kind of weirdo recluse that plays D&D and goes to anime conventions - that's not what I'm talking about. I mean, the people I've met, I've met becuase I was building websites for them or met them at design events.
Whatever, I'm going to stop now... I'm trying to make myself seem less weird, lying to myself perhaps, but I don't think it is working. Think I'll go for a walk outside now.
022803
Guess it has been a while... things that have happened:
- Daniel G. Harmann came to visit (see photos section for *new* pictures!)
- I've taken up bird-watching
- Something huge has been bubbling up and is close to fruition
Paying attention to the world around you is kind of nice; so I bought a field guide type book, read it, and am now able to identify most of the birds I see on my way to the train in the mornings.
Things are good. There's still a huge, dark cloud of uncertainty hanging over a certain overseas part of my life that I love very much - kind of a 'suck it and see' type situation though.
The *huge* thing I was talking about has nothing to do with birds or dark clouds... I'll tell you more about it when it comes to life, writhing on the floor in a puddle of placenta and happiness.
013103 - addendum
Since I knew none of you would go to the trouble of making that picture into a desktop background, I went ahead and did it for you. Umm, your boss just called me and told me that he wanted you to use it and that if you didn't he'd fire you.
013103
Here is an absolutely enormous picture of me - large enough to be suitable for printing and using as some sort of poster.
Large enough for you to save it, trim it down a bit, and use it as your desktop background.
Large enough to zoom right in on one of my nostrils and have happy little dreams about living inside it.
Large enough to where if you look very closely at the eyes, you can see that I'm not in fact human - rather some kind of highly advanced, blog writing, bike riding, cat stroking, heavy drinking, Keri loving robot.
Large enough to where you can trace the happiness I've had over the many years of my life in every crease of laugh line around my eyes.
012703
Giant things are made tiny by distance. Emotional, physical, whatever...
012003
I got some earth-shatteringly bad news mid last week from England - as a result I think I'll probably be updating the site a bit less frequently - it all seems a bit pointless, y'know? I'm being forced to re-evaluate my life plans, not the most delightful scenario.
If you're the person (all singing, all dancing...) that sent me the long and interesting email from my site without a return email address, please email me again, that was cool.
Riding the Chicago El at night is a completely unique and altogether pleasurable experience. As the El is "El"evated you end up cruising along at eye-level with people's apartment and house windows - at night this affords you brief glances into other people's lives. *Flash* - someone in pajamas bending over to get milk out of the fridge. *Flash* - a couple watching TV with vacant stares. *Flash* - an empty apartment, a cat perched on the window ledge - watching the train go past. *Flash* - a man in a suit getting home from work.
Every person and every apartment with its own little story, some interesting, some mundane, all left for the El rider/voyeur to fill in with their imaginations.
I've ordered some absinthe that should arrive later this week. Planning on having an 'absinthe night' at my place, perhaps this weekend. Expect photos.
011503
Chicago has turned into a frigid Siberian wasteland, wind-burned and horrible. The wind is bitterly cold. It feels like someone throwing a bag of nails at your face and it is beginning to take its toll on me. Big hunks of my skin are falling off and the little of it that remains is dry and crackly and painful.
I'm almost beginning to miss the sweat-drenched, too humid Summer - never thought I'd say that.
011303
I've noticed a frightening trend of late. As the weather gets colder and colder in Chicago (as it is wont to do at this time of year) I'm seeing more and more women (some might refer to them as 'trixies') out and about sporting big, silly, floppy, furry, goofy hats.
Now, I'm as fashion forward and progressive as the next guy but I'm not of the school of thought that believes these hats look good on people. I'm more of the school of thought that is inclined to snicker behind pursed lips as these people pass me on the frozen sidewalks of my neighborhood, looking like some kind of bastard child of JayKay (of Jamiroquai fame) and Blossom (of looking stupid wearing floppy hats fame...)
011103
I got the letter this week telling me when my naturalization interview is: March 10th. So long as I don't screw it up too much in the interview, I've got a good chance of being made into a fresh, sparkly American shortly thereafter. Some things that were suggested that might make the interview a bit more entertaining:
• Turn up wearing a shirt with a big union jack on it.
• Turn up wearing a shirt with a big maple leaf on it.
• Turn up with a long printed list of, "You might be a redneck if..." statements on it, only have 'redneck' crossed out and write 'American citizen' above it.
You might be a redneck American citizen if your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
You might be a redneck American citizen if you've ever been too drunk to fish.
• Ask, very earnestly, when I get my 'Terrorist Stomping' license.
011003
There's a sign in someone's apartment window that I can see from the train; near the Belmont "L" stop. The sign reads "Paul, have a great day at work! I love you, Kathy". It warms the cockles of my heart every morning - in my mind, I'm Paul and Keri is Kathy and the sign is just one more little reminder of how much she cares about me.
Because... you know, if you could see into our apartment from the "L" I know that Keri would do something similarly sweet. She's sweet like that.
I just spent the last half an hour dragging masses and masses of poorly written garbage over from my old Tripod-hosted Remote Controlled Marc. I put it in my blog archive. Some of it is pretty funny, go read it if you don't believe me. Try not to judge me for some of the warped, stupid opinions I held back then. Judge me instead for the warped, stupid opinions I hold now.
010703
I was reminded last night (by a friend doing it to me) of the intrinsic humor of calling someone and leaving an unbelievably long and rambling message on their voicemail or answering machine. The trick is to keep the message just interesting and lucid enough to keep the receiver of the message listening through to the very end, sucking as many useful minutes out of their day as is humanly possible - after all, what are friends for if not for frittering away your time? (in a good way...)
So, yeah, for today's entry I'm going to try to bring the humor of this age-old jape to the internet. Feel free to email me and let me know where you stopped reading... (unless it was at the end of the first paragraph, in which case you won't have seen the bit about emailing me about where you left off...)
Today was a damnably fine day during which I used the word, "damnably" on more than one occasion. One of those occasions was when my new boss let me know that I was going to be doing some ColdFusion coding; something I haven't done in a number of years but something that I enjoy quite a lot. I mean, I say, *enjoy* when really I mean, *don't hate a lot* - let's not kid ourselves here, work can be alright but there are still things I'd rather be doing... like sitting on a beach somewhere, drinking fruity, tropical drinks and having my feet rubbed by a midget wearing those little gloves that midgets can get that have the nubby bumps on them that make footrubs feel that much better. Yeah, gloves like that only oily... oiled up with some kind of sweetly scented oil... ooh, can't you just feel it? Something cold and citrusy sliding down your throat and the tingly footrub sensation and the sun on your skin and a faint breeze that carries the faint, sweet smell of oiled midget into your nose... sounds like paradise to me.
Someone emailed me from my site today (I call it *fan mail* but it normally consists of insults, ha ha ha) and I wrote back that I appreciated them writing to me because sometimes it feels like I'm talking to myself when I write crap up here. Just now though I guess I realized that this is a good thing. If I didn't feel like I was talking to myself I probably wouldn't write things about midgets. Not that I've got anything against midgets or that anything I said about midgets could really be construed as sizist (sizeist? I don't fucking know...) or bigoted; just that, you know, it isn't right to single people out for a physical trait in this day and age. Despite that, I still do it all the time in my internal dialogue (my internal dialogue is often very lively and almost always includes very colorful [colorful like a drunk sailor, not like a butterfly] language). Like I'll meet someone that is short and my internal dialogue will make note of said new acquaintance's shortness. Or someone I meet might be taller than average and my internal dialogue (hereafter known as "the voices") might make note of that too. I think that is a fairly natural thing to do. Shit, maybe the overly PC amongst us are in the wrong. Perhaps we shouldn't stifle the urge to call someone short or identify someone as, "you know, that guy with the really big ass and the crooked teeth..." To be human is to be intrinsically flawed - to deny those flaws can only lead to trouble.
Look at the masturbating bear on Late Night with Conan O'Brien... they try to chain him up and put mitts on him but he *always* finds a way to get those big paws of his into his diaper. Oftentimes causing some sort of hilarious ruckus in the process.
With people it is like that, only instead of causing a hilarious ruckus it generally turns out much uglier and people get shot and stuff...
Speaking of people being ugly (on the inside now, silly, we've gone over the other shit already...) I noticed something about England while I was there: there is a perpetual air of latent violence. Everywhere I went I felt like I was mere moments away from a huge brawl breaking out or some angry fuck with a chip on his shoulder coming up and breaking my nose with his forehead. I hated it.
I mean, I guess when you're a teenager and you live in it, it becomes a part of you're everyday life and you don't really notice it. I used to get in fights as a 'lad' and it was no big deal. There were a couple of almost fights this Christmas though and they left me feeling quite introspective and odd. I guess I'm just old now.
I think it is different in America because you don't know who has a gun. In England you can go out, pick a fight with someone (or a group of someones) and you know the worst that is going to happen is that you're going to get the shit panned out of you. Here, you go into a bar and pick a fight and someone is liable to go out to their car (or down the back of their pants if they're gangsta stylee) and get their gun and shoot you. Then you're dead. Threat of mutual destruction, like the whole nuclear arms thing with the cold war - I think it is excellent. Actually, come to think of it, one of the only times I've even been close to a fight in the States, someone did indeed pull a gun out of their waistband and hold it to my head. I backed down very, very quickly and assumed the standard 'frightened rabbit' posture. It turned out to not be a real gun (it looked very, very real though... the guy thought he was being funny, I just thought he was a cunt) but for the 48 seconds that I thought it was real and thought that I might die I was very sad and very sorry for having testicles and testosterone and violent impulses.
I'd ramble on more but I suddenly got bored and Keri's home now and she brought wine home. I like wine and I like Keri, you might say I'm something of a wine and Keri enthusiast... a wine and Keri lover perhaps... one that believes the world would be a better place if only everyone carried guns, had midgets to rub their feet, and was able to indulge in a bit of wine and Keri every once in a great while. (that wasn't an invitation to get with my woman, go find you're own Keri... jerk.)
P.S. - I don't carry or own a gun (I don't trust my coordination skills, I'd have accidentally shot myself within a day of purchase) and I've never had a midget rub my feet...
010603
It still feels weird typing 03.
So... my new job is north of where I live, on Montrose. My old job was south, down on Monroe in the Loop. As a result my commute is a lot more pleasant.
On my way home today, my train, stopped at a station, was even with a train going the other way, also stopped at the station. I had a whole car to myself, the people in the train opposite were pressed up against the glass, crammed in like small, oily fish.
Before I realized what was happening I had a huge shit-eating grin on my face and was meeting people's eyes in the other train. My eyes were laughing at them.
I now feel pretty bad about the whole thing.
Marc Needham is a bad person.
010403
Hooray for 2003!
Hooray for being sick (I am...)
Hooray for (most of) my pictures from England being up. Click on the photo section below to check them out.
123102
Back from England now... had an absolutely outstanding time - balanced lovely time with the family nicely with being shit-faced drunk.
The theme of the trip was "People masturbating in men's bathrooms": it happened twice, once in a pub in Bridgewater (a mentally handicapped man going at it frantically in a stall), once in the Tate Modern in London (a creepy, hopefully mentally handicapped man going at it whilst standing at the urinal two down from mine - a wholly unpleasant experience - one that would have resulted in great violence from me had I not been so convince that the man was mentally ill in some way - one that also resulted in my witty little Brother saying, "It was probably an installation piece" when I related the tale).
Tons of photographs that will undoubtedly go up later this week; holding off on putting them up yet as there is a *lost* disk of pictures that I'm hoping will surface soon.
Got a new computer on my return to the Americas. Having a new computer makes everything in life seem happier and shinier. I love my new computer and feel only a slight twinge of guilt about my old one - slipping out of my heavy, long-term relationship with her like it was some kind of cheap one night stand wherein I quietly put on my clothes in the bathroom and leave before she wakes up.
BUT MY NEW ONE IS SO HOT!
Have you ever been to England?
Do you like English chips? You know, the fat hunks of potato deep-fried to golden perfection, doused in malt vinegar and salt, steam puthering out of the paper bundle handed to you across a stainless steel counter...
I'm thinking it would be great to open a chip shop over here. I've lived in the states for nearly 10 years now and haven't found anyone, anywhere in America that is capable of making chips that taste even remotely like English ones. Maybe the oil used to fry the ones in England is illegal here or something. Maybe it is oil extracted from baby seals or something.
I'll have to look into that one.
Sorry to ramble but my thoughts aren't really connecting on account of some lingering jetlag (I'm going to be using that excuse for weeks to come... ha ha ha)
New Year's tonight... Looking forward to some heavy drinking. Also looking forward to a brilliant year in front of me, one so jam-packed with potential happiness and excellence that it threatens to burst at its seams.
Resolutions, I hear you ask... yeah, I've got a few; some of them are private (like that one about me finally doing something about that horrible bedwetting problem I've got) but here are some of the ones that aren't:
’ Start some kind of business, maybe a chip shop, maybe a web usability consultancy
’ Get more exercise
’ Buy some kind of property to live in, a house or a condo or just anything that I can start pissing capital in the general direction of
’ Stop binge drinking at weekends (I mean, not completely, just curtail it a bit)
’ Learn to make self invisible at will and use the power to fight crime with
There are more but I've forgotten them. I like to make lots of grand resolutions, that way at least a few of them will stick. What is it they say? You've got to shoot for the stars if you want to fly with the turkeys on the other side of the fence? Yeah, that's right.
Marmite has a great capacity for mischief.
121302
Well, I'm all packed up and ready to head off to moister, greener climes now. Hope everyone has a splendid holiday season (regardless of your faith, or lack thereof) and comes out the other side of it a little bit older, a little bit wiser, and a little bit happier.
Here's a picture to entertain you while I'm gone. I stole it from here.
121002
I just accidentally stabbed Marmite in the face with a fork... I had a Petit Filous (they sell them at Binny's, I'm training for my England trip) but had to eat it with a fork because all of the spoons are dirty (dishwasher is running now to remedy that situation). Anyway, I thought the cats might enjoy some; I've got two cats so that meant seperating the remains of the Petit Filous between the container (for Frank to lick) and the fork (for Marmite to lick) - Marmite got a little too excited and curious and ran into the pointy end of the fork. Face first.
Frank was fine with it (more Petit Filous for him) but Marmite spent a good minute or two licking his lips and hiding under the coffee table looking hurt and scared.
Speaking of faces, I was riding the train (brown line) back from work tonight and caught my reflection in the window (a lie: I was actually staring at myself and had been for a good long time - not in a vain way, just in a kind of "there's nothing else to look at while I think" way) and noticed my nose. I then decided that I really like my nose.
I am now one step closer to liking myself as a person.
(also a lie: I think I'm the shit... the bee's knees if you will)
I'm pretty.
I'm also off to England for two weeks starting this Friday. I can't wait to see my family and eat real chips.
120802
This is what I did on Friday night.
Saturday saw me wandering up and down Michigan avenue doing a little bit of Christfest shopping. It was pretty rough - I think it would have been completely impossible without the heavy drinking that took place beforehand.
Speaking of Michigan ave. and tastelessness... is Chicago the last city in the world where a person can wear fur? There were dozens of people out wearing it on Saturday: proving once again that money does NOT buy taste.
120402
Thanksgiving was an excellent time, what with the violently excessive orgies of food and booze and lazing around. I wish we could all live like that forever without the ugly consequences.
So... just less than three full weeks of being unemployed - starting from zero, no resume, no contacts, no idea what to do next - and I start my new job today.
I KNOW!!!
I'm going to be doing Project Management (hopefully leaning towards some assistant Creative Director type stuff) for a web dev shop. Again, not mentioning the name because of what happened to Dooce.
I think I'm really excited right now but it is pretty early in the morning and it might just be gas.
P.S. - a few people expressed interest in that geocaching thing I was talking about a few weeks ago. I went out and had a wander around and couldn't find anywhere that I could leave said cache without it being too easily discovered - damn this city life, every square inch of ground is used. That, and I'm lazy.
112702
Since I have nothing interesting to say, I will present you instead with someone that does: Exhibit A.
The following was taken (without permission) from The Morning News
Question: I’m vegetarian. Can you recommend a good alternative Thanksgiving meal?
Answer: How about a slice of humble pie, you fucking Communist.
112102
Haiku Thursday:
thanksgiving is nigh
no turkey for me this year
vegetarian
no, seriously
please don't worry about me
yams and pie are fine
looking forward to:
food coma, Playstation 2
let's not forget booze
celebrating what?
Christ reborn holiday, right?
no... that is Easter
got new jeans today
low-rise so my ass hangs out
check out my booty
quick nod of helmet
hello to other riders
sharing path AND fun
teal gore-tex comfy
more so than blue not gore-tex
ride through bitter cold
cozy and neoprene
my winter cycling booties
protect my scared toes
111902
I saw David Schwimmer in my local Kinko's last night.
He was buying highlighters. I was thoroughly underwhelmed.
111802
Further evidence that dog people are weird:
Today on my bike ride I saw a woman walking a dog. She had just finished scooping one of her dog's steaming loads into a plastic bag. A plastic bag that she then proceeded to put in her JACKET POCKET!!!
I don't know if she was keeping a sample for some bizarre collection she's got, I don't know if she was just saving it until there was a garbage can. Either way, eww.
111602
How's my weekend going so far?
(more pics)
111502
Three cool t-shirts, a stack of resumes, and a filling. These were all things I received today. The filling thing wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I had steeled myself for all kinds of hideous, blood-spatteringly, painful goings on - turned out to be nothing like that.
I've got a sock management problem.
When I rode my bike to work, I'd wear two pairs of socks a day, one for the riding, one for the not riding. This worked out fine, except for the fact that I had a small number of pairs of socks that I enjoyed wearing, perhaps 15 pairs. This meant I had to do laundry at least once a week; something I, at the time, saw as a major inconvenience. I would trek up and down the stairs to the laundry room cursing my low sock count.
Then I decided to do something about it. I went out and bought a dozen new pairs of socks.
I've always got lots of socks to wear now... but...
Well, now I'm going a good couple of weeks between doing a load of laundry and that's a lot of clothes. Which means a heavier basket to carry up and down the stairs. It also means that I'm running out of other clothes before doing laundry. Like shirts.
This in turn forces me to wear things I wouldn't normally. Items of clothing that hide in the back of my closet. Items of clothing that belong hidden in the back of my closet.
I'm thinking about throwing some of my new socks away.
Progress: fuck that.
111402
Haiku Thursday... my offerings aren't that special that week, but come on, give me a break, I've got a lot on my plate right now, no?
thanks to quitting job
free time and AM drinking
don't miss work at all
today's big question:
bike ride or watch DVDs?
maybe stay in bed?
usability
folks paid 150 an hour
think I've found new job
riding bike to work
was a great way to start day
sleeping late: more good
man walked past window
wearing black pants and white socks
ha ha ha ha ha
I went back to the dentist today (exam yesterday, cleaning today, cavity being filled tomorrow...) and the dental hygienist said that my dental hygiene is so good that she really didn't have anything to do. I think she was kind of pissed off. I feel good about myself. Well, my teethy bits anyway.
111303
First off, massive thanks to the most excellent Kristen for passing my resume around a bit.
So... last night I was walking back from Dominick's (which wasn't closed forever thanks to a strike, *phew*) with some beer and sundries when a car next to me blipped. It was a newish Camaro and its lights flashed like someone had locked or unlocked the doors with a remote thingy. Odd thing was - there was nobody anywhere near the car.
I didn't think too much of it until I was about four cars past it where I see this guy in a suit looking completely perplexed next to a different Camaro. He was scratching his head and hopping from foot to foot and looking at the car like it had just run over his pet monkey or something. He's just about to stick the key in the door when I corrected him, "I think your car is just there..." and raised my beer-carrying hand to point in the general direction of the other, beeping, flashing Camaro. "DUDE! They're like exactly the same car!" he laughed.
I laughed too. Then I went home and got drunk!
Ha ha, as I was typing this a phone solicitor called up to tell me about a sale at some furniture place. I told him I was a zen minimalist and didn't believe in *owning* things. He said something about me owning a phone and then hung up on me.
Phone sales people are the highlight of my day most days.
Except for today... because today I went to the dentist (quickfast before my insurance runs out [end of December]). I paid them $100 (I KNOW! That's with insurance too...) to pump my face full of radiation and scrape at my teeth. I had one cavity; which the dentist said was remarkable considering I hadn't been to the dentist in 8 years before today. I credit good breeding, regular brushing and flossing, avoidance of things sticky and sweet, and an army of small robots that I employ to crawl around my mouth at night scrubbing things.
111202
Today is my last day of work - once more unto the breach!
Here is my resume - pass it along to all of your friends. Tell them I need a cool job.
111102
Here are a couple of pictures of a pyramid we built at a sausage fest going away party for a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago. 1, 2.
111102
OK, an idea: would anyone be interested in forming something of a non-GPS-unit-owning geocaching group in Chicago? I could run off and hide a package of goodies (fun stuff < $5) and then either post or email clues that would lead someone to it. That person then takes the goodies, rehides them, and posts or emails clues to someone else.
Could be lots of fun... good excuse to get off your ass, maybe explore bits of the city you wouldn't otherwise.
Email me if you're interested. If more than three people email me then I'll go out and hide the first pack this weekend.
110702
It has been quite the week... I'll let Haiku Thursday skim over the important bits:
quit my crappy job
shit! wait, I didn't mean it!
countdown to ramen
the grass is greener?
I hope so. I'll find out soon.
I'm so fucking dumb
tootsie pop wrapper
got indian/star combo
good luck? free sucker?
buca di beppo
yummy for dinner last night
peeling paint with breath
Mum in town this week
brought me lots of English snacks
Monster Munch kicks ass!
no cycling this week
feel lumpy and out of sorts
must be an addict
people on the el
oh god, please stop touching me
I'm trying to read
standing room only
smelly and cramped cattle car
I hate riding you
110402
My hyper-cool Mum is visiting me from England for the week. She brought me:
Monster Munch
Jelly Babies
Cadbury's Buttons
I love my Mum.
110102
Simple pleasure this morning:
Riding through a brightly-colored, crackly pile of leaves on my bike with the crisp Autumn sun dappling my face with puddles of warmth.
Simple displeasure this morning:
Waking up with a level four hangover that wanted me dead - then taking said hangover out into the cold wind for a bike ride.
103102
I opened a store!!! Go there and buy a thong for yourself or your fine, fine lady.
Here are some Haiku Thursday haikus:
sharp pins in apples
poisoned Snickers bars for you
bah fucking humbug
candy rots your teeth
you are better off with drugs
no, seriously
after lunch coma
Halloweeny sleepy sleep
no candy, just beer
bumper sticker says:
"I would rather be sailing"
yeah, no shit. Me too.
caught a fucking cold
drippy nose and stuffed up head
makes cycling less fun
winter cycling tights
so stretchy, black, and shiny
make cycling more fun
penny fight at work
paperclip just missed my eye
revisit grade two
103002
Download and enjoy!
102902
I'm coming down with something and it is making me miserable. I guess it could just be the six solid days of drinking finally catching up with me - either way; it sucks.
102802
Here's a list of the fun and wonderful things I did over the weekend while Jess and Jason were here. Not so much for you to look at and be jealous about; more for me to look at and remember the fun (no pictures were taken the whole weekend!!!):
• Rode Halloween Critical Mass!
• Got drunk a lot.
• Went to a friend's place (whilst drunk) and took turns beating the crap out of his punching bag at 4:00 in the morning.
• Watched my new favorite movie.
• Chased an attempted murderer.
• Saw the Liars, Prosaics, and the utterly outstanding Yeah Yeah Yeahs at the Empty Bottle.
• Got busted by a family as I was coming out of an elevator in Watertower Place with my pants down. My pants were down because the elevators were glass and Keri and Jess happened to be in the other one - mooning: not just for second graders anymore.
• Stumbled across a super-hipster secret Halloween party. Crashed said party.
• Saw Minus the Bear, The Velvet Teen, The Exit, and the mindblowingly fantastic Pretty Girls Make Graves at the Fireside.
• Hung out with said bands after the show because Jess and Jason knew people in most of the bands.
102702 addendum
Shaolin Soccer is the best movie I have ever seen. It is tough to find but I urge ("... urge...?") you to make the effort.
*Marc wanders off to update his Five Favorite Films list...*
102702
Our pals Jess and Jason are in town from Seattle for the weekend. Just thought I'd better pop in and relate an exciting story so that I don't forget to do it later...
Last night we were wandering around down in the Loop, just aimlessly sightseeing, when three people ran past. A man in a big parka, followed by a woman, followed by a yuppie-ish guy on his cell phone. The guy on the cell phone was saying something like, "Yeah, now we're running down Lake..."
As they ran past the man in the parka (that was leading the chase) bumped into Keri, "Excuse me." he said, "I'm sorry." she said.
I've got something of a curious streak so I thought it might be interesting to follow the threesome and see what was going on. I chased after them.
About a block further down the guy in the parka kind of disappeared; I think he might have gone up the L - the yuppie guy managed to chase down the woman and I managed to catch up to them both. The woman was visibly upset, "I didn't do nothing! I didn't do nothing!" the yuppie was off the cell phone now and said, "Yes you did, I saw you both, I saw you with that guy!" At this the woman ran off again - the cell phone yuppie guy sprung at her and bouced her off the wall and onto the ground. At this point a security guard came out of Marshall Fields and dragged the guy off the girl. I hung around to hear the story.
Turned out that the parka guy and the woman had been in a cab as yuppie guy walked past. Parka guy had pulled a knife and tried to stab the cab driver, yuppie guy intervened or raised some alarm or something and gave chase.
Umm, what was the point of the story? I don't know... we went and got really drunk and had a great time afterwards though.
102502
I just had a small bag of peanut M&Ms and there were NO green ones. I'm quite upset about the whole thing. I've got this weird OCD thing I do where I eat them one color at a time, eating the red ones last and the green ones second from last.
What am I supposed to do if there aren't any green ones?
*Marc gazes forlornly at the bag of M&Ms on his desk, wishing he could eat the red ones left behind...*
Who loves love?
Marc loves love.
102402 addendum
Every Thursday there's this thing called Haiku Thursday were a friend of mine collates haikus from a bunch of people then emails them out again. I figured I might as well post one or two of mine here every week. Because haikus are fun.
having fingerprints
taken by the Gov. today
Go citizenship!
wind and rain and bike
mix pretty damn well together
bike path less crowded
bought giant dildo
piece of halloween costume
don't think clerk bought that
102402
I was a thumb sucker when I was a kid. I sucked my thumb from birth to, I don't know, probably nine years old. It was a pretty serious problem, I developed an overbite and my thumb angled into my mouth and gave me buck teeth. My parents were about to invest in orthodontics and were pretty desperate to get me to stop - they tried a number of different techniques - the worst of which was the dreaded bitter nail polish. I used to spend the first twenty minutes after going to bed grimacing and licking the foul tasting shit off my thumbnail; all so I could have that comforting suckle.
Why am I telling you this?
Because I came to something of a realization last night: thumb sucking was my first addiction. My OCD training wheels.
Thumb sucking paved the way for a lifetime of oral fixation, addictive behavior, and dependency on things outside my self.
On some level that's really funny.
Anyway...
It was cold and windy this morning when I was riding in this morning. Very cold and very windy. As a result of the ferocious winds, the lake (Michigan) was whipped into a frothing, rolling frenzy. Breakers were smashing twenty feet into the air off the concrete lake embankments; the rising sun glinting a bright, fiery orange through the gray-green water.
The howling winds sealed me off in a loud, painful, beautiful world - me, my bike, excruciating physical effort, and mind-blowing natural splendor - that's how every day should begin.
Oh wait, that's how every day does begin.
102302
Tomorrow I have my appointment to be fingerprinted by the government - as is part of the application process when applying to become an citizen of the United States. All kinds of shit is going to turn up and I'll probably end up being deported. Great.
Last night I was reading the new McSweeney's (not sure what my opinion of Dave Eggers is at the moment, I'll think about it and get back to you on that one) and there was a story/essay titled something like, "Three Meditations on Death" and I read it and it made me think a lot about Kaia and the idea of people close to me dying and it ended up making me quite sad.
I had thought (in the past) that I was just cool with the idea of death - now it turns out I'm just really good at repression; something that will come as no surprise to anyone that knows me. Ha ha ha.
101902
Hooray! The redesign is done. Use the contact form to let me know what you think of it.
I'm going to go have a shower now.
101702
Here's a story I forgot to tell, from about a month ago:
A few of us were out at some bar or another and someone in our party (Kim, I think...) thought it might be funny if they slid a quarter down the back of my shirt. A few short moments later the thought was turned into plan which was turned into action - the quarter was down my back. I shook my shirt a little bit to try to get it out and did a quick sweep of my back with my hand to get it out. I couldn't find it, maybe it slid into my pants and fell out the bottom of my pantleg? Maybe it fell out before it reached my pants? Whatever, all I knew was that it wasn't up my shirt and there was still drinking left to do.
Later that evening, after returning home, I retired to bed. I sleep naked.
I sleep naked. If there was quarter to be found it would have been found when I disrobed and fell into bed, right? Riiight...
The next morning I woke up and the quarter was clenched in my fist! I have no idea how it got there and I'm not really sure I want to know.
From a fortune cookie I had today: "You will be fortunate in the opportunities presented to you." I wish life were like that one Simpsons episode where Homer wrote all of the fortune cookies.
Here's a haiku I wrote about the shit I'm going through with the redesign right now:
cross-browser bullshit
makes me want to pull out hair
just hair. not my own.
101602
Almost there with the redesign... thank fuck for that. Just the portfolio section and some cross browser shit to take care of and I can finally rest. And by *rest* I mean *start working on the massive backlog of personal projects I've got clinging to my pooper*
So, I'm slowly coming to the realization that good taste in music has very little to do with good taste in music. It is more to do with exposure. Once exposed to good music, most people will like good music - if all you do is listen to a Clear Channel radio station and watch MTV there's a good chance you're going to like crap music.
101202
OK, yeah, still on Vicodin, still up coding and farting around. What's my problem? I don't have a problem! You've got a problem! Fucking square... heh. Just kidding.
Toying with the idea of being a bit more open with the whole blogging thing this time around. I've been keeping a blog with some degree of regularity for about 5 years now and I don't feel like I've ever really opened up. I feel like I'm being to guarded with the whole thing. What do I have to hide? Who cares if my boss or my Mum reads that I had a wank last night? I know I shouldn't...
But I do.
Who am I kidding? This shit is going to stay the same. Same arms-length bullshit that I've been spewing out for ages; same arms-length bullshit that I'll keep spewing out forever and ever. That's probably why people grow to hate me.
No, it's fine, I've heard the whispers... seen you looking at me sideways, I know it all. What, you thought I didn't know about you and the shaving cream? You thought I believed that line you fed me about "seeing someone run off just before I got there" when you STILL HAD FUCKING FOAM ON YOUR HANDS AND THE CAN WAS POKING OUT OF THE FUCKING BUSH????
Did I mention that I took a Vicodin earlier? Man, this shit is great...
Umm... guess I'd better stop now before I get too carried away.
Because I haven't already, ha ha ha...
101102
Taking a Vicodin and trying to write some code. On a Friday night no less. I can't tell if that is fucking hilarious or really sad.
Don't get me wrong... I don't have a problem with *drugs* - I just happened to have a Vicodin laying around, happened to have a headache, and happened to want to work on my website.
I guess this counts as the first entry on my new blog... fuck me, I should have some champagne or something. Brilliant stuff! Quite pleased with the way the site is turning out thus far, like building a house or something, watching the walls go up and putting carpet down and paint up and all of that good stuff.
Anyway, yeah. Vicodin is fine by me.
101102
So, the bike commute is fun (what with the racing of everyone else on the bike path [with or without their knowledge, heh] and the overwhelming happiness that washes over me when I've got a bike saddle under my ass) but I've come up with an idea to make it EVEN MORE FUN!
I was riding home last night and I went past a guy that looked pretty fast (you can tell who some of the fast ones are because they shave their legs, have bumpy calves, and wear a lot of lycra). I was quite tempted to tap him on the shoulder, say, "You're it!", and then streak off.
What could be cooler than that? I'd fucking love it if someone tried to start an impromptu game of bike tag with me. I spent the rest of the ride rolling the idea around in my head and couldn't come up with any sticking points. Worst comes to worst, someone doesn't want to play and doesn't chase me.
Did I tell you guys about the time I tried to challenge a couple of bike cops to a race?
I've got a problem...
101002
Something fun to do this weekend:
Go into a restaurant or store (preferably independently owned) and explain to them that 10 years ago you had something of a heroin problem and were kind of messed up. Then explain that in said "messed up" state you had come into the restaurant or store and stolen their tip jar or an item of value forwith to fund your next "score".
Then go on to explain how utterly horrible you feel about the whole thing and how it would make you feel a lot better if they would take the $10 that you are now holding out in your quivering hand. (at this point extend your hand with a $10 bill in it).
Sure, this one will cost you $10 and it might not be really funny or anything but it WILL test your ability to lie - something we could all do with a bit more practice at.
100902
So, I'm going to tell a little story now that is going to make me sound like some kind of fucked up pervert. I'd like to remind everyone, before I start said story, that I am neither fucked up, nor a pervert.
... Anyway... a couple of chums and I were out lunching earlier today (around lunchtime obviously) when we came across a couple that seemed to be in the midst of ending their relationship (close stance; moist eyes; guilty expression on the man's face; &c...) Being the horrible, lecherous, emotion vulture that I am, I thought it would be "neat" to sit down within earshot of said couple and listen to their pain.
How wrong was I?
The rest of my (and my lunching pals') lunchtime was spent following the couple around a few blocks getting more and more wrapped up in the soap opera that unfolded. There were tears, there were sad glances, there was even a point where they parted and walked in opposite directions for a block before the girl turned around and ran (ran!!!) back to her spurned (spurning?) lover.
I felt pretty dirty when I got back to the office and was tempted to have a Silkwood style wash in one of the sinks. Of course I didn't because then I would have gotten my clothes all wet...
In other news: most afternoons I pop downstairs to grab myself a Diet Pepsi Twist from the convenience store in my building - it helps break up the afternoon and the caffeine makes the new, smaller afternoon pieces that much easier to deal with. So, yeah, down in this convenience store they've got these strings of scratch-off lottery tickets on the wall, lots of them. One time, maybe 3 weeks ago, I bought one because I'm still under the mistaken impression that making "ironic" purchases makes me cool in some way. So, I bought one - it cost $1, I was all like, "Ha ha, maybe I'll win a million dollars (despite the fact that you could only win up to $3000 with this particular ticket) and can walk into my boss' office and leave a curly stinker on his desk... ha ha" But then when I scratched it off it turned out that I had won $10!
$10!
I had taken my $1 and magically, with a few deft flicks of my wrist, turned it into $10!
I was excited for a little while. Then a few days later I bought another one. Of course that second ticket didn't win anything. Neither did the one after that. Neither did the one after that.
So, now, every time I go down to buy my afternoon pop - I see them there, staring at me with their squirrels and their roulette wheels and their comically exaggerated dollar signs, begging me to buy them, to take a coin to their hard surfaces and flake my way to free money.
I'm trying hard to stop...
In other other news: the redesign of this site (this site that you're looking at now!!) is coming along slowly but surely. I'm going to pin November 1st as a rough target release date. Who knows, maybe I'll finish it before then. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just forget about the whole thing. Maybe I'll win that million dollars and just post a big picture of the curly stinker on my boss' desk.
100502
Life... man, life fucking sucks.
I can sit around now for hours on end and think about all the stuff I've done in this life already, all of the people I've met and the places I've been, all of the love and happiness, all of the pain and unpleasantness... I can look back at it all and it makes me sad.
Why sad?
Sad because I know there are people I'll never see again and places I'll never visit again.
Then that sadness is compounded by the thought that there's still plenty of life (fingers crossed?) stretching out in front of me. Plenty of time to meet new people, experience new things and new places. A whole new batch of things to miss.
100402
Something fun to do this weekend:
Go out dressed in weird clothes (maybe an outfit liberally decorated with foil, maybe just normal clothes three sizes too small...) and run up to random strangers with a frantic, alarmed expression on your face. Grab them by the arm and say, "Quickly! What year is it!?" and see how they react.
092702
Today is the day that my good friend, Daniel G. Harmann, casts off the oppressive shackles of the workaday world. He's living the dream - dropping out to become a rock star. I wish him nothing but luck and happiness.
Visit his site, listen to some of his good music, send him an encouraging note.
Let his trailblazing spirit and profound bravery be an inspiration to the rest of us drones.
P.S. - The webzine I helped out with (first issue) is up now - No East.
092602
My mate Ben gets here tomorrow afternoon, flying all the way from England with his girlfriend, just to come see me. I'm that cool.
Expect some pics up or something on Monday or Tuesday.
(or an "I'm writing this from a jail cell" blog update...)
092402
It is a bit cooler out these days which means I am slowly but surely putting some distance between myself and the "that sweaty bike guy" moniker at the office.
This is my new favorite place in the world.
092302
I spent the weekend in a hotel in Indiana (Radisson, Merrilville) attending Keri's Grandmother's funeral. Though the funeral was a sad (but personal and uplifting at the same time) affair I noticed something whilst wandering the halls of the hotel.
Times I heard people having sex: 2
Times I heard people fighting: 1
This means that love is winning!
Hooray for love!
091902
I bought some new trousers. Corduroy trousers. More specifically, low-rise corduroy trousers. I really like them but I feel funny wearing them. It feels like my ass is hanging out. Probably because my ass is hanging out.
What are you staring at? You never seen an ass crack before?
091702
Last night I sent off my citizenship application. I could very well be a "real" American within the year. How fucking crazy would that be?
091502
Hilarious cat-related incident of the day:
There was a spider in the bathtub this (hung over, sleepy) morning - Keri pointed it out to me shortly after I had finished brushing my teeth. Keri and I are both deathly afraid of spiders so it seemed like a very good thing when Marmite hopped into the tub (he spends a lot of time in there, rolling around, being stroked, sleeping, whatever). Instead of playing with, killing, and ultimately eating the spider as we had hoped he would, he simply lay down next to it. Right next to it. Then he started to roll around. Then the spider was swept up onto Marmite's bum.
*note - this is all second hand information - I refused to go into the bathroom at this point.
Keri and I thought it would be best to lock the new spider/cat hybrid in the bathroom until Marmite did the right thing and ingested his new passenger. Of course, since the bathroom door isn't made of glass (actually wood and paint) we didn't know whether or not the cat had vanquished the 8-legged beasty. Ultimately we had to let Marmite out of the bathroom (he started to meow at the door) at which point the afore mentioned hilarity ensued.
We both figured the spider was still on Marmite and so went to great lengths to avoid having him touching us. Hopping up on furniture, running away, making various "shoo" noises...
... yeah, I guess it is one of those things where you really have to see it for it to be funny. Never mind.
091402
I've been riding my bike up and down the lakeshore bike path for about a year now. I'm pretty fast and as a result I've only been passed (and unable to catch) or dropped three times. Two of those times were by recumbent bikes.
Now I'm curious about recumbents - are they really fast?
I want to try one out but I'm too concerned about my "image" and my "rep" and my "street cred". Oh well.
091102
Went to the memorial/anniversary service for 9/11 today in Daley plaza. The whole thing was pretty somber - especially the three minutes of silence. I got all introspective and sad and was tearing up a little bit when I looked up and noticed the sign language woman (who had, a moment before, been interpreting Gary Sinise's words into sign) "talking" during the silence. She had her head bowed and every ten seconds or so she'd look up and make a short, wild gesture. The whole thing seemed really absurd and I wanted to laugh; then I realized she was signing the peals of the bell. I went back to being sad and introspective at that point.
Why Gary Sinise?
090902
My redesign trigger finger is twitching for this page. Getting so very sick of the layout and the blue and the little scrolly bit for this... To sate myself a little bit, I updated the Micro Portfolio section below. Phew, that's better.
Also, The Marc Needham Tattoo Project is running into something of a glitch - I'm drawing closer to the conclusion that I don't really want another tattoo. I mean, I want another tattoo but I'm just not sure about it. Tattoos are the kind of thing you want to be sure about.
It would almost be worth not going through with it just to piss people off, ha ha. Got tons of traffic to the page and I'm sure one or two people will check back to see what I got come October.
Thinking instead about getting a skull ring (similar to Keith Richards') and wearing that all the time instead of a tattoo.
090402
I'm developing a Bomber Man II addiction that is slowly, but surely, replacing my Internet addiction. When I got home from work I used to hop on the computer and fart around online for an hour or so - now I head straight for the NES emulator on my Dreamcast. I'm a pathetic loser. Heh.
090302
I had a long and very involved dream about shaving my legs on Sunday night. Not sure what that was about. I'm thinking (hoping) it was something to do with cycling - on Friday night we went on Critical Mass - the guy that was up front with the walkie-talkie refused to go on the highway. Two of my friends and I really wanted to go on the highway so we cut to the front and hijacked the mass: straight onto I-90/94. It took a lot of screaming but it was totally worth it.
083002
There is a Sharper Image store just down the street from my office - I needed a new umbrella a few days ago so I figured I'd stop in, dragging a few of my lunch cohorts (a little crew of us that go to lunch together...) with me. Their umbrellas were crap but they had an amazing massage chair that we all took turns in. Long turns. The chair is amazing, it massages your whole body (including an unbelievable calf massaging contraption) and leaves you feeling floaty. So amazing is the chair that we've all been back every day since for a massage, four days running now. The people that work in Sharper Image know what we're up to, despite our assertions that we're, "saving up to buy one and just need to make sure we're doing the right thing..."
I now can't imagine facing an afternoon of work without my lunchtime massage.
In other news, a commercial for Winterfresh gum that I shot (and kind of directed) with some friends last weekend will be shown on national TV starting next week. It is the "Freshmen" one, keep your eyes peeled for it.
082702
I'm suddenly very afraid to shake hands with people at work. I mean, the opportunity to shake hands with people here doesn't arise very often but I'm concerned that if someone was to want to shake my hand I'd jump back in alarm and eye their hand suspiciously. What if their hands are the ones that were sloshing around in the urinal?
Someone (Ryan) suggested that I knock the cake back into the urinal (thus fulfilling the yearning that every urinal cake holds in its tiny, cherry-scented heart...) and then set up some kind of sting operation wherein I catch the urinal bandit yellow-handed.
I love the idea of leaping out and humiliating a co-worker for doing something repulsive - but the idea of crouching down in the bathroom for what could end up being a full day holds less appeal. I guess the mystery will remain just that.
082602
Vulgar story of the day:
On Friday there was a urinal cake left on top of the urinal - presumably because there wasn't a screen in the urinal to stop it from getting wedged in the pipes as it wore down. This morning I went into the bathroom and found that someone had knocked it into the urinal anyway. I was alarmed but tried not to let it ruin my day. Well, it is lunchtime now and apparently it had bothered someone else - a quick trip to the bathroom revealed the fact that someone has reached into the urinal and retrieved the urinal cake. It now sits (slightly worn) back on top of the urinal.
We don't have maintenance workers around, there are no rubber gloves anywhere in the office that I know of... why would someone do this???
082402
What was the point in that? (in posting about running away from home and then not updating for a few days...) I was hoping some people might think I had actually run away from home. That would have been funny.
I've been informed since my last post that when 'grown-ups' do it, it is called *taking a powder* - which sounds kind of cool. Don't think I'll be doing it anytime soon, but it sounds kind of cool.
082202
There were few times when I was a little kid (around the age of 10) where the idea of running away from home seemed like a good one. I got as far as packing a bag once. The plan was to ride my bike off into the country (we lived on the line where suburb meets rural in Calgary) and set up a tent to live in. Common sense and fear stopped me from doing it every time.
My life feels like a bit of a mess recently and I'm having the same kind of feelings again. A weird pulling sensation in my gut. Common sense and fear are holding me in place again. Can grown-ups run away from home?
Who'd have thunk that being a grown-up is just as sucky as being a kid?
081902
Spent a portion of the weekend working on a new personal project, click the link above to check it out.
081802
I think all of you (male and female) should go down to your local Glamor Shots and have your picture taken. Then I think that you should all take those Glamor Shots and send them to me.
081502
For the first time since junior high I've got an enemy - someone to hate, someone to topple like so much Jenga.
I know nothing about the guy except the kind of bike he rides and the kind of backpack he wears, the only two identifying marks that I need. I see him at least once a day on the lakeshore bike path. He thinks he can beat me.
As I may have mentioned in the past; I have made something of a habit of subtly challenging other riders to races during my commute (how: ride past really fast, glare as you pass, then slow to just a bit faster than their pace - see if they bite). This guy bites every time and he's pretty quick. I haven't had any off days recently but I think if I did, he could probably take me.
Until then I'll just admire his *pluck* and chuckle to myself as he falls off my back wheel.
-Also-
It is really nasty to be in the bathroom at work when someone else is having a loud poo.
081302
I don't generally post referrer shit up in here - but yesterday someone came to my site via Google after searching for "I'm a dirty transsexual and here's my dirty story"
Needless to say, I'm not a transsexual. Anymore.
081202
Hey, people in bands - when you play a show, some people might want to buy buttons. They're cheap to make and they give your fans something fun to take home and pin onto their bag.
What's that you say? But you already have t-shirts and posters and CDs for sale? Yeah, well, if I bought a $10 t-shirt at every show that I went to then I wouldn't be able to afford to go to as many shows. And I already have your CD. And I ran out of wall space ages ago.
Shoot me an email if you need someone to make your buttons for you... I've got the hook-up.
080802
You know what pisses me off? People that spell hamster 'h-a-m-p-s-t-e-r' and people that pronounce height "heighth". And people that bring babies to any restaurant that isn't Chuck E. Cheese's or McDonald's.
080602
So much is wasted. Sometimes I'll write someone an email that I think is really witty or touching or deep - and then I'll send that email and those amazing thoughts are lost forever. People might read them once and then they are discarded, forgotten forever.
How sad that ideas should die.
My life is a tumultuous mess right now. The holiday was nice (such, such fun) but I need another month or so. And some serious therapy. And kittens, the world needs more kittens.
080402
Back from Seattle now. So very, very tired.
The pictures are up.
073002
The bamboo sprig that is now in a vase (empty juice bottle) on my desk doesn't seem to be growing that well. I had heard all of these exciting rumors about bamboo growing up to 2" a day and had a wild vision of a lush, tropical desk - full of pandas wandering around my verdant bamboo thickets.
Sidenote - I don't think I've ever used the word verdant before.
I'm flying to Seattle tomorrow. Hooray. United airlines would charge me $75 (each way - such bastards) to take my bike so I'm not taking it. I'm going to have to do the race on a rental racer that I've never ridden before. I'm pissed.
072502
Today I bought some little bamboo sprigs from a farmer's market in Daley plaza, had far too much sugar, and got way too excited about tomorrow's Critical Mass and next week's Dead Baby!
Hooray for today!
072402
The bottom bracket on my bike was loose this morning and I don't have the tool I needed to fix it - that meant I had to take the train.
I hate the train. So full of horrible* people, writhing all around you, brushing up against you... yuck.
Not just that but I guess I've become addicted to the endorphins that I generate on my morning ride. I'm all drowsy and pissed off this morning whereas normally I'm chipper and full of vim.
*by horrible people, I don't mean that all people are horrible, I'm not like that... I just mean the special breed of asshole that seem to populate my train.
072102
Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I'm miserable now
I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now
-Moz
Just came back from a weekend down in Peoria and the drive back made me a little introspective. The highways are crammed with people (myself included) that think they are special or unique in some way (as was evidenced by 'car flair' and smug grins) when there's really nothing special or unique about any one of us.
I'm going to get really drunk sometime this week and come up with a better way.
Today marks the first day of my renewed vegetarianism.
071902
Talk about bike-centricity...
Next Friday is Critical Mass. The Friday after that is the Dead Baby. I booked my plane ticket today. I'm so excited I could (and probably will) pee.
071802
Emotional *turmoil* is beginning to take its toll on me. I'm starting to exhibit OCD-like behaviors and my temper is getting shorter. I'm going to see how long I can go before seeking professional help, an endurance test of sorts - I'll wait until those around me start to complain before caving in.
Should be a wild ride.
Speaking of wild rides, I'm back in bike shape again now. Very fast. Very fast indeed.
071602
So, it looks like my contact form (below) was broken. Oops.
It is fixed now - so you can go back to sending me emails.
071502
Weekends are five days too short.
071202
Two things that feel good when you're riding a bike:
• Blowing past two guys that are wearing fancy racing gear, riding fancy, expensive bikes like they're standing still. Bonus points if they're out on a training run and you're just commuting to work.
• Battling the wind like it is your worst enemy for 1/2 an hour and then finally turning out of it and having it push you along like it is your best friend. Ahh wind, such is the nature of our relationship.
071102
I was riding my bike in this morning and a wave came off the lake and swallowed me whole. I got soaked but I still thought it was tremendously funny.
The decision has been made, I'm growing my hair back out. Within 6 months I'll look like this again:
In between now and then I'll just look like a twat with scruffy hair.
071002
I think I've slowly been working my way towards understanding the meaning of (my) life. Yesterday as I was driving to the airport (to pick Keri up) the sun was setting over the trees and bathing my face in a soft, orange light. A great happiness washed over me. That was when it struck me that if you spend your life surrounding yourself with beauty (spiritual and physical) and happiness then you are leading a perfect life. If you're not, then you're not.
There's lots of other details to the idea that came to me at the same time but I won't bore you with the details.
Chicago is too hot.
070902
I paused my commute briefly this morning to watch some Trixies doing Tai Chi on the lakefront. Though the scene felt contrived and wrong on some level - there was still a nice sense of tranquility watching people move slowly in front of the lake and the fresh, early-morning sun.
070802
Finally got a confirmed date for the Dead Baby. I'll be in Seattle for the weekend of August 2nd. Expect great things. I'm so excited about the race that I am giggling and shaking a bit.
070402
I forgot to wear a belt yesterday. I never realized how useful they are.
Today is the fourth of July and I have no idea what I'm going to do to celebrate my adopted country's independence from my homeland. I feel conflicted, like if I go out and get drunk today then I'm giving up a little part of my Englishness.
070202
I've started writing a new short story - this one centered around a main character that likes to poison people in their sleep - it is going to be an ugly, ugly, hard to read story that most of you will never get to read. Anyway, I was doing research (online) last night about poisons. I was frightened by how easy it was to get all kinds of nasty information, I also found a number of pages devoted solely to teaching people how to kill themselves. How sad.
I've also started riding my bike to work.
Marc is feeling altogether more fulfilled.
062802
Speaking of sinusoidal mood patterns - today is great. Maybe it is my new haircut (see webcam link to the left [I know... it is the first time I've updated the webcam in, like... oh my gawd... for-evar!]), maybe it is the prospect of a riding Critical Mass tonight, maybe it is the music I'm listening to (Senor Coconut), or maybe it is just something in the air. Whatever.
addendum: - ... something, something Taste of Chicago, human filth knee-deep in their own sweat, covered in scraps of half-eaten food...
062702
The air conditioning wasn't working right on the 'L' this morning. By the time I got to work I was little more than a salty puddle with legs.
Sweet Home Chicago my ass, more like Sweaty Humid Home Chicago...
Did I mention my mosquito bites yet? Hehehe
*Marc struggles to think of happy things to write about so that his audience doesn't run away*
Having everyone on the train sweaty and nasty was kind of nice because instead of the usual crush and jostle everyone was disgusted enough by everyone else to respect personal space. A first in my experiences on the train.
062602
It struck me that in the future - long after they've dragged me away to a padded cell and lopped off my frontal lobe - this site and its archives might serve as some kind of documentation of my descent into madness.
... That makes all of the people that read this site sort of passive participants in the whole thing too. You rotten bastards; are you just going to sit there when I so obviously need help?
I'm sorry, I'm bored and sleepy... just messing around.
062502
I was on the train last night and the man next to me yawned. More specifically the man with the horrible, horrible breath sitting next to me yawned right in my face. I almost threw up and then spent some time toying with the idea of punching him.
Went and played golf on Sunday (I KNOW!!! Golf, what the fuck, am I a yuppie now?) and I've decided that there are very few things in life less pleasant than mosquito bites.
I mean, obviously, there are lots of things a lot more unpleasant than mosquito bites - it's just that when you're sitting in an (hot, sweaty) office sweating, and scratching at raw, bleeding, itchy, bumps on your achilles tendon it is hard to think of them.
062202
Why haven't I updated all week? Mainly because my life has taken on a certain 'trainwreck' quality and I've been a bit down in the dumps about it all.
I'd post more about it all but you all know too much about me already ;)
061502
Hehehe, wait for it... wait for it...
061402
A couple of little secrets about Marc and trains:
• If he's standing anywhere near the edge of the platform when the train comes in, he rocks back on his heels. Just in case someone runs up from behind and tries to push him to his death.
• Walking under the "L" tracks as a train is screaming/rumbling/exploding past on them nearly makes him shit his pants. At the very least the noise and violence of it all makes him clench his jaw and his fists. Teeth-grinding and white-knuckled he prays (not to god - he doesn't believe in god...[at least not the conventional Gods of organized religion...]) that the tracks won't collapse onto his head.
Isn't Marc silly? I think he's a little 'imbalanced' - especially so with this whole 3rd person thing he's doing right now. Maybe he should see someone.
061302
How to solicit a reaction from long-silent readers of your web page:
• Announce that you're planning on marrying the woman that you love.
I've got all kinds of stories about diamond buying (it is a lot like buying expensive drugs,) proposals (see photograph section...) and the drunken, bloated happiness that only true love can bring. I'm not that ambitious though - so I'm keeping them to myself.
060802
She said yes!
060702
Daniel G. Harmann, our rock star pal from Seattle is in town for another weekend of sex, drugs, and maybe a museum or a picnic or something. Expect a whole new set of hee-larious pictures to be up by Monday.
As an aside, you know that horrible, empty feeling you get when you're sure you've forgotten something really important. Yeah, that's how I feel right now. It is pissing me off.
060302
Three thoughts/realizations came into my head pretty much simutaneously on my walk home:
• commuter trains in warm weather smell like cologne in the morning and sweat and unpleasantness in the evening.
• opera music sounds really good when it is drifting gently out of an open window on a warm, damp day.
• I am in the midst of a massive crisis of identity - the causes of which are multitude; some known, some hidden. The sooner I solve it the happier I (and everyone that has to deal with me on even a semi-regular basis) will be.
Just thought I'd share.
060102
New quest: to meet the people the write and illustrate the Archie comics.
Questions to ask them:
• Do you actually know anyone named Archie, Reginald, Jughead, Moose, Betty, Veronica, Midge, or Ethel?
• Why is Midge dating Moose, she seems pretty together and he is quite obviously mentally challenged. Is it a sympathy thing?
• What year are the comics set in? One minute Archie is cruising around in his 1930's 'jalopy' the next he's talking about the Internet and the problems with President Bush...
• Why does Archie bother with Veronica OR Betty? One is a stuck up bitch that constantly toys with his emotions and the other is a desperate, shameless dork. He'd be better off with Midge.
• Why is Archie so broke all of the time?
• Why does Reggie always have money? Are his parents rich? Why do we never see his house? Are his parents as rich as the Lodges?
• How does Jughead eat so much? Why isn't he interested in girls? Is he gay? Does he love Archie?
* Note: Yes, I caved and bought an Archie comic when I was grocery shopping the other day.
* Note II: It is 3:30am and I'm drunk.
052802
I've got allergies pretty bad so I sat at work all day with a runny nose and streaming eyes - the worst was on the train on the way home - reading my book and looking, for all intents and purposes, like I was crying my eyes out. How comical a sight I must have been, how the other commuters must have laughed after I stepped off at my stop, wiping my eyes on my sleeve, sniffling big wet sniffles.
There are all of these weird guys downtown (I've run into three so far in less than a month working down there) that get right up in your face so that your bodies together shield their hands as they open them and show you (presumably stolen?) jewelery. I'm hoping one of them, one day soon, will show me something cool, perhaps a pouncing tiger cast in gold and diamonds hanging from a fat gold chain. That would be rad.
052702
After weeks and weeks of making lame 'Spiderman hands' jokes I finally caved in today and went to see it. Special effects fueled fun for the whole family - I give it two (sticky) thumbs up - though it won't be going on my top five list...
052602
Weddings are boring - especially when you don't know most of the people there. Asparagus is tremendously exciting - how many other foods make your pee smell funny? I mean, I don't like smell but I love the novelty of eating a food that can do something like that.
052402
I've decided to change my eating schedule to something more 'English'. From now on lunch will be the main meal of my day and dinner (or tea) will be nothing more than a snack. I think it makes more sense that way. If you eat dinner late (as I am prone to do) then you go to sleep and all the food energy just turns to fat rather than being spent on good things like dancing and running and thinking about ways to solve the mess in the Middle East.
I keep 'spacing out' when I'm filling my water bottle from the water cooler at work. I've over-filled my bottle and spilled water on the floor three times this week alone. Just one of the many clever ways my body reminds me that I need to start getting more sleep.
"... the drones worked hard before they died..."
052302
Word of the day: concatenate.
Songs that are stuck in my head today:
Love Your Money - Daisy Chainsaw
Stormy Weather - Pixies
I'm having something of an internal crisis, I can't decide whether I want to get old yet. I got my hair cut yesterday and as I was walking down the street with my freshly shorn fauxhawk I felt conspicuous - not too unlike the way I felt when I went to a rave with some friends last year.
052202
Favorite phrases of today:
· more fun than a burlap sack full of puppies.
· sexually attracted to fire (c/o the Simpsons)
051702
The second big cat idea (again, not ideas involving big cats, big ideas for little cats...) is a lot less extravagant.
I've noticed that indoor cats gets pretty mopey after a while and am sure that it is mostly due to their inability to connect with the smells and pleasures of roaming outside. So, if you've got a yard, why not build a cat run? Just knock together a frame (20-30'X3'X2') put chicken wire in the sides, clear perspex on top, then hook it up to a cat door and seal the other end. Voila, your cat can now run around outside, eat grass, get fleas, perhaps encounter neighborhood cats and sniff their bums through the fence, bury its poop in real dirt - basically do all of the things that an outdoor cat takes for granted without the unpleasant risks of being eaten by a coyote, kicked by a teenager, or flattened by a car. Hooray for cat runs!
Pygmy Marmosets are cool.
051602
I guess yesterday's entry was a *little* Howard Hughesian, eh? My bad.
I've got some big cat ideas I need to share. That is, they aren't ideas that involve big cats (pumas, lions, cheetahs, and their ilk) they are simply big ideas for little cats (domestic cats...) The first is a giant cat ranch.
When I thought I was going to be a stock option millionaire one of the ways I was going to spend my gobs and gobs of money was as follows:
Buy up thousands of acres (maybe just hundreds) of land in somewhere remote but pleasant, Montana perhaps - then set it up as a collecting place for unwanted cats. So many thousands of cats are killed in animal shelters across the country (Marmite was 2 days away from execution when we found him) and it seems like such a shame. You can't really release them into the wild but what if there was an in-between place. A place that had wide open spaces, plenty of prey, strategically placed watering/feeding stations, and one or two centers where the cats could come when they wanted to hang out with other cats or get some affection from people.
The area would have to be very well fenced but beyond that it really wouldn't take much. All cats would be neutered/spayed before being admitted and everything would be cool.
I don't know - I did some volunteer work at an animal shelter a few years back (OK, it was community service but still...) and they are just such heart-breaking places.
I'll tell you the second idea tomorrow.
051502
I think the daily exposure to the seething, stinking, rotten stream of human traffic I face on the sidewalks is taking its toll on my mental faculties. Case in point - I was *almost* home today when I noticed a fat man jogging (for exercise) towards me. He was drenched in sweat and during the one or two seconds it took him to reach me I had a horrifying daydream/nightmare of a droplet of his sweat breaking free and landing on my lip as he went past.
The vision was so real and so disturbing that when he actually did reach me I feigned interest in a bush and turned my head away from him.
051402
Why not? because I'm lazy, that's why not.
However, I came across a couple of websites that warranted linkage so without further ado:
Today's links:
Fantastic Lemmings-esque game.
Better daily updated site than most. Not quite a blog but hyper-entertaining.
051002
I saw the dead goldfinch on my way to the train again today (doesn't anyone clean these things up?) but it was sunny this morning and the effect just wasn't the same.
My new headphones.
050902
Walking to the train in the overcast greyness this morning something bright yellow caught my eye - it was a small, dead goldfinch seemingly asleep at the pavement's edge. The bright happiness of the little bird in death stood in stark contrast to the dull flatness of the life that surrounded me.
Then I got to work, wrote some code, ate a Frosty® (from Wendy's), and tried not to think about it.
050802 (later)
Yeah, seems like it is more about the shoes. I was a bit sleepy but my code was fine. I did, however, find that I was a lot less apt to shy away from confrontation - bumping people out of the way when they tried to get on the train ahead of me, not getting out of the way when people were in my path on the sidewalk. I guess lack of sleep makes me mean and uncomfortable shoes make me stupid.
050802
Due to circumstances involving a fresh pineapple, a candy bar, and two frisky cats (nothing dirty, I ate the pineapple and the candy bar leaving me with a late-night sugar high - then the cats used my face as a springboard for various astounding feline acrobatic feats through the night) I am at a D-, on the scale where A = bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and F = dreary-eyed and slap-happy.
I'm not going all Bridget Jones on you here (not that I've ever read the book or seen the movie)(OK fine, I've skimmed the book AND seen the movie - that doesn't make me less of a man) I'm merely mentioning this in the interests of furthering study in the field of shoe comfort and hours sleep as they correlate to job satisfaction and performance. Today to work I'm going to wear the most comfortable (but apparently ugly) shoes ever created - my Puma Mostro - then when I get home tonight I'll pop back on and tell everyone how I'm feeling and how my day went.
There, now you've go something to look forward to.
050702
I've discovered that my success and happiness at work depend on two factors: comfortable shoes and a good night's sleep. When I sleep poorly or wear uncomfortable shoes I have a miserable day, my code is sloppy, I forget things... However, when I wear comfortable shoes and/or get a good night's sleep everything is sunny and great. Today was a comfy shoe day.
I think my next major investment will be a decent bed.
Saw on the train today - one more reason not to touch things in public and then lick your fingers - an old homeless guy took off his shoes and socks and proceeded to pick at his grimy, scabby, nasty, nasty feet.
050202
I just can't seem to get used to this "getting up early in the morning" thing. It hurts.
Work is fun - iron butterflys, bear calls, bull puts, calendar spreads, condors, strangles, and straddles are buzzing around my head.
I miss my online friends though. I miss writing long emails to chums and hanging out for too long on Yay! Hooray!
050102
First day of work. Ask me how I feel.
Tired. Thanks for asking.
043002 (later)
I felt guilty after reading my last post and decided to get off my ass and go for a bike ride. I'm so glad I did. Now I'm doing laundry. Pretty interesting eh?
Thought this was a bit gruesome for Popeye.
043002
How did I spend my last day of freedom? A day for which I had penciled in such activities as, "go for one last epic bike ride" and, "get a good chunk of the screenplay written" was ultimately frittered away farting around online. Now I'm sad. And a bit nervous about work tomorrow - it feels like it has been forever since I was last in a work situation. Oh wait, it was.
I forgot to mention it yesterday but Keri and I went to see Life or Something Like it on Friday night. I do feature pretty heavily in the last scene and anyone that has ever met me will be able to recognize me quite easily. But: the movie is crap.
042902
After seven and a half long months I've finally been offered (and accepted) a job! This Wednesday, May 1st, I start my new reign of terror at an online options brokerage down in the loop (details kept to a minimum because of what happened to Dooce...) The whole thing kicks ass and I'm really excited about the road that lays ahead.
Sure, I'll miss the endless hours of web surfing, the leisurely bike rides up and down the lakefront, the mid-afternoon drinking, the long, drunken hours spent stroking a cat, gazing out of a window, crying... I'll miss getting up when I'm done sleeping, I'll miss poking fun at the rest of the world as they trudge off to work in the early morning dusk, I'll miss not showering until ten minutes before Keri is due home.
I think I'm going to miss a lot of you too. You see, a lot of you visit this site because I post funny and entertaining links on a relatively regular basis - I think very few people realize just what a huge amount of time goes into finding those links. Those links are normally the condensation of hours and hours of surfing, digging around the web until I find that one page that makes me say, "People will think this is funny and/or entertaining." sometimes out loud. As I'm going to be gainfully employed from Wednesday onward I won't have those hours to piss away trawling the web for delicious fun - I'll be too busy stoking the fires of the financial markets of the world.
I know this is going to piss some of you off, make some of you sad, to those of you I have this to say: stop being so fucking selfish! Shit, what? You think I exist for your fucking entertainment? What am I? A fucking clown? No, I'm a man, a man with a fucking shiny new job that is going to demand the lion's share of my time from now on. Go find your own links you big fucking baby. You want me to come over and wipe your ass for you too?
(Yeah, that's right, I swear, I tried to keep it to a minimum before lest I scare away any potential employers...)
Anyway, for the rest of you, those of you that actually care about me, those of you that aren't link-sucking hangers-on... I'll still be around, I'll still post random snippets of information about my life in here. Some of it will be funny, some of it will be sad, some of it will make you question the very essence of your being (not really)... It might come a little less frequently, especially over the next couple of weeks as I settle into my job, but rest assured that it will still come. You can always email me too.
Wish me luck, I'm off to buy some fancy new clothes now.
Love,
M.
Today's links:
Here are most of the sites I visit(ed) on a daily basis - most, if not all of the links you've seen on this page came from one of the sites below. Enjoy:
 Metafilter.com - a community of linkwhores and newsfiends that is slowly spiraling into anarchy.
|
 Fark.com - lots of links to news and sometimes amusing sites. Lots of shit to filter out.
|
 The Morning News - sensitive written pieces and topical news links from a group of cooler-than-thou elite in NY.
|
|
B3ta - pronounced beta - funny people in England putting together lots of quality amusing pictures and posting generally very high quality funny links.
|
 BoingBoing - killer stuff, mostly tech related.
|
|
Everything Isn't Under Control - another Chicago guy with a blog. Sometimes good links, sometimes not.
|
|
Everlasting Blort - really good for the stranger side of things. Lots of links to just plain bizarre websites.
|
 Mister Pants - another one that is good for links to the unusual. Plus lots of entertaining quips and stories about life.
|
|
Surfstation - mainly design related stuff but sometimes funny things pop up.
|
 Kaliber 10000 - K10K, the best design site going. Revamped with a pretty new face and all kinds of yummy stuff.
|
 FilePile - if you're not already a member then you are SOL but this site is smashtastic. Tons of pictures and websites and MP3s...
|
|
Newstoday - design community. Not a big fan but sometimes they'll have halfway decent links.
|
 Memepool - used to be that you'd find good links here, it seems a bit crap of late though.
|
 Yay!Hooray! - hands down the best site on the whole internet! Friendly community loosely themed about design. Sometimes good links - always good people. My login is crMN1.
|
042602
Today is a great day. The sun is shining, I got a rad new monitor (19 hot, sweaty inches of love - $75, thank you craigslist), and now I'm off for a weekend trip to Peoria.
Today's links:
Happy kittens, happy music, a beach, and a chinchilla.
People are strange.
I hate Jakob Nielsen.
Want a pub in your garden? I do.
Mr. Friendly pretty well rules.
042402 (bonus link)
Best game ever doesn't even come close to describing this!
042402
Want an entourage but aren't famous or monied enough to warrant one? Try this - get two cats, set them up on a regular feeding schedule, then one day feed them 1/2 an hour late. They'll follow you everywhere and make you feel extra-loved!
Today's favorite word: shtum - mainly because that one scene from Sexy Beast is stuck in my head. Ben Kingsley totally should have won the Oscar for that one.
Today's links:
There are some great games and things there but I'm mainly linking because I like the name: Nipplecat!
I want.
Is your pet gay?
042302
Dooce is gone. She will be missed.
Thankfully there are other hyper-cool people like my pal Corianton out there doing the same kind of thing. (Only with a prettier site and free fonts to boot!)
Today's links:
Eminem paid $150K to have this cover pulped. Can't think why...
One way to get a cheap loft in NY.
Riot is kind of fun.
Because sometimes being mean is OK.
Cultural relevance be damned - this is nasty.
Bungy wedding!
042202
Someone is fucking with me.
I'm pretty well set against hunting. Someone has gone ahead and signed me up for a membership with the North American Hunting Club and a subscription to Field & Stream magazine. Very few people know my address and I think I know who did this. Be warned - I'm going to get you.
Today's links:
K10K is back. And it still feels good.
Happy Earth Day. How big is your ecological footprint?
How to make OSX style buttons.
Strange and disturbing performance art.
041902 (later)
The hair is dead! Long live the hair!
041902
In my infinite wisdom I have decided that my current haircut doesn't suit the weather of a Chicago Summer. At 3:45PM CST I will wander down to Milio's and have it all cut off. Fauxhawk.
I'll post a pic in the webcam thing when I'm done. Prepare to be wowed! (to borrow an expression from a dear, dear friend...)
Today's links:
I don't know what the story is with this picture but you know it is a sad one.
Impressive Lego church.
iToilet. A cheap and only marginally funny stab at Apple.
One more reason to hate Cilla Black.
The intro to one of my favorite shows when I was a wee lad. No wonder I'm so messed up.
You could mistake this for a hollow cartoon about a robot and a bird. It is really a deep statement about love.
Pictures of drunk people.
041802
Dragged the A/C unit up from basement storage yesterday. It has made a huge difference in the quality of my life.
Today's links:
Finally, an easy way to humiliate your friends. So long Photoshop.
Spit spreads germs.
Wish this worked on cats
Rear end washer.
041602
Today it is really hot and humid outside. Probably not the best weather to be going on a long bike ride, pushing yourself as hard as you can.
I did it anyway and it left me purple and very sweaty. When I got home I had to lay on the floor for a while, unable to move. Marmite came up and licked sweat off my face - it was really cute.
Today's links:
Apparently this isn't new but I had never seen it before. Funny, funny stuff. I played it about ten times, laughing hysterically the whole time.
Download a desktop polyp.
041502
Over the weekend I joined a crew and particpated in 5X8 - a competition/event wherein you have 22 hours to make a 3 minute film - it was the best time I've had in ages. Up late into the night writing scripts and storylines, waking early in the morning to film. Our film didn't win but I think it kicked ass. I had never done any video stuff before but it was really cool and now I want to do more.
The weather is stunning today.
I met up with an old pal from college; we went and sat outside and drank beer.
Today's links:
If you live in Chicago and own a bike - do this.
Not sure if anyone else thinks Bathing Ape is cool. Anyhow, they've teamed up with Pepsi in Japan to design some can bottles.
Ooh, I guess the links are a bit light today. I did mention that is is really nice outside, right?
041202
Today I thought up two potential slogans for an anti-drunk driving group to use: "Crash at your friend's place; not into a tree." and "Cabs are so much cheaper than funerals."
My Brother is driving now and I worry about him nearly constantly. Mainly because I remember what I was like at his age. (Not that I drank and drove, I was just reckless and silly...)
Today's links:
The story is that in Japan the biker gangs, bosozoku, put their cats' faces on their driver's licenses to fool the police.
Play God.
Horrifying.
A touching tribute to the Queen Mum.
Things Other People Accomplished When They Were Your Age.
HaX0r translator.
041102
I went for another bike ride today. Took Keri's digital camera with me this time and took a bunch of useless, boring pictures. If you want to see them they're up in the photo section.
I got bonk really bad about 2 miles from home and thought I was going to die. That'll learn me to leave home without Gu.
Today's links:
Cool shades.
Before you get all offended and email me, I know Tourette's is a serious condition and that this simulator doesn't so much "simulate" as it does poke fun. I'm sorry.
041002
My bike ride yesterday was a pleasant end to my three week stint of inactivity. I rode North along the lake, stopped on a pier, talked to some fishermen, watched a diving bird diving for food for a while, then just watched the waves rolling in to the beach.
Today's ride was a life-affirming burst of sunshine and sweat.
If you look at the webcam you'll notice that I'm growing a bit of a moustache. I started growing it as a *joke*/to piss Keri off a bit. Now it is coming in I'm loathe to shave it off - I think I might actually like it. Maybe I don't like it, maybe I'm just revelling in the sarcasm of the whole thing - I can't tell anymore!
Today's links:
New Murakami short fiction.
Russian prison tats.
Great Knight Rider tribute page.
Two pictures
040902
The sun has finally come out - time to go for a bike ride!
Today's links:
Two pictures.
Another reason to call my kid Hank.
Monorail in his backyard.
Sounds that annoy cats.
040502
Today begins my rock star pal's West Coast tour. If you're lucky enough to live anywhere near any of his shows - go see him! He'll rock your socks off.
I got a haircut today.
Today's links:
Orking!
I only wish I had someone to play it with.
I want.
040402
Apparently an overwhelming majority of you have suffered some kind of major head trauma and don't like my new shoes. Well, like I said yesterday - I don't care. I'm still going to wear them. I'm still going to look down at my feet whilst wearing them and sigh a happy, little sigh.
Today's links: (which, quite frankly, aren't that good but that serves you right for not liking my new shoes...)
What would happen if you got really messed up on smack and then drew comics? Pokey the Penguin!
How to be a web designer.
Buy a shy kid for your living room.
A guide to sleeping in airports.
Some recipes.
040302
I just bought some new shoes. Keri (and just about everyone else I've shown them to) tells me they're ugly. Here's some pictures of them. Are they ugly?
| Your fantastic new shoes create a stirring in my loins that I normally reserve for naked pictures. | |
Today's links:
I don't know if anyone else has been reading the Bee - Shutterbug Follies comics but today I stumbled across the *hidden* rest of the strip - all the way to the end. I felt kind of guilty reading them all, like a kid that found his parents' Christmas present hiding spot. I drooled my way though them all but now feel a bit guilty. Here's the link to the backdoor in case you want to cheat too.
The trouble with beer.
You can thank me for finding this by buying me a bunch of stuff from it.
040102
I was going to come up with some slick prank to pull on everyone that reads this page... you know, with it being April Fool's Day and all that. Then I decided not to.
I went for a bike ride today and didn't get half a block before it started snowing. SNOWING!!! In April!
It all seems so very wrong.
Today's links:
White bear: brown tail.
High tech filters down to a cat flap. Brilliant.
Like guide dogs, only monkeys... (Worth is just for this pic.)
Rob builds incredible things.
I'm going to hell:
·Bungee ascending.
·With you always...
033102
Happy Easter. I ate so much chocolate yesterday that I was almost sick; then spent the rest of the day with a splitting sugar headache... Think I might abstain today.
Today's links:
Long but really interesting and worth reading all the way through.
Easter eggs. Because it is Easter.
Peep surgery. Also because it is Easter.
Money saving tips. Because we were in a recession, weren't we?
033002
Sorry it has been a few days, I was busy with interviews (!!)...
Some funny things my cats do:
Frank - proclaims his hunger in the mornings by standing on the dresser drawers and nudging things over the edge with his paw. All the while staring at you and willing you to get up and feed him.
Marmite - curls up between my legs in my underpants when I'm sitting on the toilet.
Today's links:
Some snatches of my life as told by Penny Arcade.
Cats are cool.
Didn't Disney make a movie about this already?
Horrifying abominations of genetic engineering.
Shit.
032602
When I wake up tomorrow morning, I'll be 27. A time for introspection I suppose.
Today's links:
Flash with a message.
:(
032502
The trailer for the movie that Keri and I were in is up on the movie's website. I didn't see either of us in the trailer. I hope we didn't end up on the cutting room floor...
Code samples have been added to my micro-portfolio below.
I turn 27 in 2 days.
Today's (extra-special good) links:
The bunny LOVES your mouse!!!
Best Lego link ever!
Best tattoo ever!
Almos